Being schooled by illness (confessions of a ‘spasmodic Hercules’)

‘A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labours of a spasmodic Hercules‘

– Anthony Trollope

(This ‘spasmodic Hercules’ gets a lesson in ease, but it is not what I expected).

So there I was cruising along on a huge wave of New Year’s energy and I was feeling good.

I was a feeling accomplished.

In fact, along with my Word of the Year for 2015 – ‘ease‘,  I had also chosen a ‘buzz word’ for the month of January, and it so happened to be ‘accomplished‘, as there was a lot of business and personal tasks that I wanted taken care of these last four weeks.

And I did take care of business…

… but not without consequences.

 

Here is how the month kicked off;

• the kids went back at school

• the tree came down, the decorations went into storage and the house suddenly seemed more spacious

• I launched my New Years goal setting program

• I continued seeing my regular clients

• I completed two articles by the January 15th deadline that a magazine had asked me to write

• I made all the appointments that our family needed including;  a new speech language therapist for my son, eye appointments, doctors appointments, a second behavioural consultant referral for Ollie as well as organizing a support person for his spring break camp

• I had a fun night out with some old friends from school that I hadn’t seen in many years

• I wrote down all my personal and professional goals for the coming year

• I was working out regularly and increasing my weights at the gym

• I was drinking green smoothies daily

I was getting stuff done, I was feeling accomplished!

So after all that, after I had ticked these items off my monthly ‘to do’ list did I take a break?

Did I invite some ‘ease’ into my life?

Hell no!

Instead I  decided to have my parents over for our second annual ‘Christmas in January‘ dinner.

(Last year I had planned to have them over for a Christmas Eve dinner but as some of you may recall, I came down with the flu and completely missed Christmas. As such we had our Christmas Eve dinner in January last year, and we all agreed it was much nicer to have it during the slow season).

‘Let’s do a French dinner’, I said to my husband.

I pulled out my new cookbook, Ina Gartens’s Barefoot in Paris, Easy French Food You Can Make at Home, and then for three days I prepared. I bought a pastry bag and accessories in order to make gougeres (cheese puffs), wine and groceries for the main dish, and a madeline pan for one of the desserts.

The meal was as follows;

-gin and tonics (my Mom’s fave)

-red wine

-rosemary cashews (appy)

-gougeres (appy)

-beef bourguignon (main)

-french bread with garlic (main)

-kale winter salad with mandarin citrus dressing (main)

-Christmas brownies with bits of candy cane on top (not French but Will loved them) (dessert)

-madelines for dipping in our tea (just like Proust!) (dessert)

 

And the end result was really lovely, everyone enjoyed the meal, the boys loved pulling Christmas crackers in January, and I learned how to make a couple of new dishes.

Did you know that boeuf bourguignon calls for an entire bottle of burgundy AND cognac that you light on fire?

Yes it does! (and it was delicious!)

 

 

 

Aftermath

The festivities over, I collapsed into bed and woke up the next day feeling completely exhausted. And then the fever came.

Was I surprised?

Not really.

The illness came as if on cue. All the big tasks had been completed,  deadlines met, appointments made -‘time to get sick’,  said my body.

I recalled the chills I had felt a few days before after my evening out with my girlfriends. I remembered how the day before the dinner I was feeling really drained but I ignored it as I needed to get things ready (I am very good at ‘pushing through’).

My body was sending me signs but I chose not to listen.

For ten days  I have sat in the same spot on the couch and alternated between watching TV and watching the crows in the cherry tree outside my window. I have wanted nothing except herbal tea, chicken soup, gingerale and crackers.

My daytime viewing has included; The Good Wife, Miss Marple, Grantchester (James Norton!!) and Downton Abbey (thank you Netflix and PVR!!!!!). I have been too ill to read and even properly talk to my boys. I have gone to bed early and slept for hours and had to be propped up in bed like a TB patient due to coughing. My husband (on his days off work luckily for me) has been doing both ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ roles. (He is tired).

While lying in bed thinking (as I did every day for hours), I recalled the Queen’s Christmas Speech from the previous year (2013). I think it stuck in my mind because when I watched it, I too was sick as described earlier in this post.  Anyhow, I remembered that she had talked about illness.

I looked it up and here is part of what she said;

“I once knew someone who spent a year in a plaster cast recovering from an operation on his back. He read a lot, and thought a lot, and felt miserable.

Later, he realised this time of forced retreat from the world had helped him to understand the world more clearly.

We all need to get the balance right between action and reflection. With so many distractions, it is easy to forget to pause and take stock. Be it through contemplation, prayer, or even keeping a diary, many have found the practice of quiet personal reflection surprisingly rewarding, even discovering greater spiritual depth to their lives”.

 

And here I sit after a week and a half of flu, bronchitis and a lung infection, mulling things over.

It isn’t any fun to feel so terrible that you don’t want to move, but at the same time there is a lot of peace to be found when you are ill.  I say this because my recent bout of poor health (which I am very grateful is almost passed) gave me the gift of ease, a gift I certainly wasn’t giving to myself.

For the short time that I was sick I truly was a human being – not a human doing.  

Biz & Life Goals- Revamped 

Today I pulled out my sparkly blue binder and reviewed what I had written for my January goals. Ahhh there was that buzz word  – accomplished. I reviewed my goals for this past month and I had achieved 80% of them, but I had paid a price for that hadn’t I?

It was now obvious that there was a misalignment between going for a total feeling of ease in 2015 and pushing myself to the limit on business and personal projects.

I pulled out my February notes. It was time to chose a word for February.

Can you guess what I chose?

Yep. Healthy.

Our first wealth is health they say.

Then I took a look at my goals for the coming year and I eliminated half of them.- Nope, not doable, too ambitious- taken all together they will not help me achieve a sense of ease.

I am learning!

Not sure if this lesson will stick but here’s hoping. If it is ease that I truly want to achieve this year then all the other goals I have must be congruent with this overarching one. Sure I can get stuff done but there needs to be better balance.

 

What about you?

Maybe you have set some goals for the New Year? Maybe you have a Word of the Year too? As we approach February how are you doing with your plans? Are you living like I was, like a ‘spasmodic Hercules’ or are you being consistent and realistic?

• Lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks? Mmmmm maybe not so doable. Lose a pound a week through regular effort- much more likely.
• Earn an extra $2000 a month at your business by working flat out? Hmmmm can be done, but at what cost to your health? What is the impact on your family and personal life?
• Quit the job that is sucking the life out of you and move to the tropics? Well that can be done quickly but do you have a plan? Move too fast and you could wind up regretting it.
• Resolve to meet you soul mate by the summer by going on 2-3 dates a week? Sounds like a lot of pressure, which could result in unrealistic expectations and burn out.  Why not one date every week or two instead?
• Write a book in 8 weeks? Possible, but what gets put on the back burner in the meantime? How about 6 months of consistent writing instead, with lots of time for family, friends, exercise and travel? Now that sounds more like ease.

This is what I intend to do.

I will take the above Trollope quote and apply it. I will strive for smaller more consistent goals  as opposed to grand ones attempted on the fly or in a time crunched fashion. I will use my body compass more, after all it is there for a reason.

So a new month is on the horizon….

-A toast to February!

-A toast to our health!

-A toast to mindful living!

 

and a final quote for you…

 

“In today’s rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much, and forget about the joy of just being.”

–Eckhart Tolle

 

 

Hope you are staying healthy and thx for allowing me space in your in-box!

xo

Eliz