I was working with a client recently who has been succumbing to ‘stinking thinking’. And by ‘stinking thinking’ I am saying that she is thinking thoughts that do not serve her. In response to this trend we had a chat about viewing her life from an observer’s perspective, instead of getting triggered and reacting.
‘Just observe your thoughts as they come up’ I said to her. As we are both Game of Thrones fans I added; ‘Like an internal ‘watcher on the wall’ if you will.’ For you non GOT fans, the ‘watchers’ are the men from a group of soldiers called the Night’s Watch, who, high atop the ice wall, keep a look out for invading bands of ‘Wildings’ and zombie like ‘White Walkers’.
Tapping Into Our Inner ‘Watcher On The Wall’
When we learn how to tap into our inner ‘watcher on the wall’ BIG changes can occur.
Instead of reaching for that third bowl of potato chips, when our ‘watcher’ is activated, we have an opportunity to pause and question our automatic responses (like reaching for more potato chips!).
And with the pause comes the chance to ask;
‘Is eating this third bowl of potato chips really what I want to do right now?’ Or am I just bored? Maybe I am actually tired and what my body really needs at this moment is sleep, not more potato chips’.
With our inner ‘watcher’ alert we are less prone to falling for triggers like a snarky comment from a co-worker, or a judgmental remark from a family member. Instead we can simply sit back and observe the scene, and then tune into our inner dialogue ie. how we are reacting to what is being said, and questioning why we are reacting as we are.
The ‘watcher’ at work….
The watcher on the wall process might go along the lines of;
‘Wow. That is so interesting. I was telling X all about my fabulous new work project and then she said;
‘I hope you got that raise you have been wanting given all this extra work you are doing’.
Your ‘watcher’ contemplates her statement.
Hmmmm. How curious. She said that and then I felt irritated, because I have not yet asked for that raise. I can feel myself wanting to get defensive and argue with her, but I’m going to stay with this and let the situation unfold. I will let that trigger slip away. Yes, that certainly feels better.
‘Shoulding’ All Over Ourselves And Others
The client I was referring to at the start of this post has been troubled by thoughts such as;
‘I should have been promoted to senior management years ago”.
‘Really? I ask her. Should you have been? Who said that? Because I didn’t. Seems to me you are putting that pressure on yourself.’
To my client I added this.
‘And when you repeat that thought to yourself; ‘I should have been promoted to senior management years ago.’ How does that make you feel?
My client responds.
‘I feel bad’.
‘I feel bad’.
Not how we want to feel right?
No, we want to feel good!
How can we take steps towards our goals and create amazing things in the world when we feel ‘bad’?
We can’t.
That is why we need to work on feeling good. And to feel good you need to think positive thoughts. Thoughts that will serve you and energize you and keep your momentum up.
Train Your Watcher To Do This….
So train your ‘watcher’ into catching these red flag phrases;
I should, I must, I need to, I have to.….
If you are thinking these kind of thoughts, that means is that your ‘watcher on the wall’ is asleep at the switch. The barbarians (unhelpful thoughts) are at the gate and your ‘watcher’ need to ‘get woke’ pronto or they will slip past and once they do, well then there will be trouble.
There will be trouble because…
….your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your life.
Wake up your watcher, keep him / her alert and keep your thoughts helpful.
And it will all be good.
xo
Elizabeth
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