Today I’m sharing the FULL story about what a horse taught me about my fear and anxiety. Yep’ this really did happen at our nature and horse based coaching retreat in Arizona last year. I am sharing the insights I gleaned from the experience one year on, because, ahem, I didn’t tell you the whole story last time, so keep reading if you want to find out what was really going on in my head and why fear and anxiety were coming up for me… Happy BC Day long weekend to my fellow British Columbians as well!
And so July is coming to a close…
What ???? Already!!! Summer is half over???? Crazy.
Well it has been a good first half for me and hopefully for you too!
Since our return from our family vacation it has been a round of swimming pools and lessons and watering the garden (it has been hot!) and playing with our new puppy Rebus. He is a ‘sharp as a tack’ cairn terrier who is quite the bossy dude! The boys are having such fun with him and Oliver can’t wait to get out of bed and greet him in the morning.
(*FYI- Rebus got his name from a favourite fictional Scottish detective of mine ‘John Rebus’)
Other Happenings!
Some of us from the Power Posse ‘Make it Happen’ group (PPMIH) met last week for dinner at Hooked restaurant at Crescent Beach and I got to check in with the ladies, see how everyone has been feeling, and catch up with how they are doing in regards to their personal goals.
Feedback so far indicates members have been ‘test driving’ the various coaching techniques I have been sharing and are pleased with the results.
Yay PP gals!
I have to say I am just thrilled at the calibre of women who have joined the PPMIH group and am blown away by their enthusiasm and how they support each other. I always come away from our get togethers thinking that when we women work together the sky is the limit!
Up next is a country / nature walk and ‘hands on’ cooking session at Vista D’Oro in late August, followed by a vision boarding session in September.
Can’t wait!
The WHOLE Truth – What a horse taught me about my fear and anxiety (one year on)…
As you probably know I am headed south to Arizona this fall, to my pal TJ’s ranch for our ‘Wild at Heart’ Nature and Equus Based Coaching retreat which will take place at TJ’s beautiful Apache Springs Ranch.
Last year after I returned from our retreat (which was called ‘Women in Transition’) I wrote about my experience of being coached by a horse.
Yes, really!
I was coached by a horse in the round pen (facilitated by TJ) and the entire exercise was ILLUMINATING.
Below I share a snippet of the post I wrote last year about the retreat and my time in the ring with Gypsy- but I had to add more.
Re-reading my article from last fall I realized I had only scratched the surface of what I discovered and I didn’t tell the WHOLE truth and honestly I probably wasn’t even conscious of the full truth back then….
…but with the passage of time I have gained more insight so I am peeling back the onion and sharing the whole shebang with you!
Be sure to keep reading to the very bottom to find out what was really going on in my head…
*Article from October 2015
For me our retreat was a peak experience on ALL levels.
I loved getting to know the bold women who signed up for this journey despite knowing very little about what they were in for and for trusting TJ and I to facilitate this experience.
And the ranch!
Wow!…
The land the Apache Springs ranch sits on is breathtaking, with mountains surrounding it and a river running through the canyon where cacti, native grasses, trees and birds abound. I saw deer, roadrunners, turkey vultures, and a desert fox too.
It is a fairly remote area, situated about 30 miles from the Mexican border so you can’t help but feel a tremendous sense of peace amidst all that wilderness. The first two days I was there the weather was unseasonably hot -like 100 degrees and my cowboy hat and sunglasses saved the day. For the remainder of the trip the temperature was perfect around 80-85 degrees and there was always a nice breeze.
Me and Gypsy in the round pen
What Gypsy Taught Me
Then there was our work with the horses. Now I have zero horse experience so this retreat was a big learning curve for me, and I got to see TJ in action and support her and the retreaters as she facilitated the coaching in the round pen (along with the life coaching I did with the women in the conference area).
I also had an opportunity to have an equus coaching session with a black horse called Gypsy who TJ described as the ‘little shit’ of the herd, but who despite his mischievous nature, really was a delight.
Equus coaching is one of those ‘you gotta experience it’ (or observe it) to understand it – but in a nut shell what happens with you and the horse in the round pen is a metaphor for life, and so in the ring your behaviours and patterns are amplified. This in turn helps you gain more insight into how you show up in the world and paves the way for taking positive action.
After fifteen minutes in the ring with Gypsy (while being coached by TJ), I was able to highlight a pattern that constantly shows up in my life, one that can be both a bonus and a hindrance…
Equus Coaching = Wisdom Gained (the FULL story)
So now for the full scoop.
*The following wasn’t included in last year’s article because basically I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on under the surface, but I do now and I am sharing!
It started with me standing in the ring with Gypsy, letting him get used to me. He was pretty chill – occasionally looking around from me to TJ and towards the horses that were penned in a nearby field. A few minutes pass and nothing happens. Gypsy wasn’t moving, Gypsy didn’t seem too interested in me, Gypsy wasn’t going anywhere.
Hmmmmm.
I felt like he wanted to move, that the horse was waiting for me to do something, that it was looking to me for direction. For the most part I stayed still and calm, patting him and speaking to him until I felt he was comfortable with me. Then I felt the urge to take some kind of action, to make Gypsy ‘do something’.
TJ asked me what I was thinking at that moment and I said;
“I think he wants to do something”.
TJ then asked me why I had come to that conclusion and I replied;
“I think he is bored”.
She then asked me how did I know he was bored?
“Well I don’t really, he just seems bored’. I replied.
Maybe you are bored? TJ suggested.
“I don’t think so”. I replied.
(*Although in truth maybe I was a bit bored because the horse and I were just standing there, doing nothing. I mean what was the point of the exercise if we just stood there the whole time?….)
Do you think maybe you are projecting this desire to ‘do something’ onto Gypsy? TJ asked.
I didn’t really know what to say at that point.
TJ went on to explain that horses stand around all day in the field and don’t feel compelled to do anything unnecessary. They don’t need to fill their time, to be busy, to ‘make things happen’.
Ahhhh….I thought. Like humans do. Like I do.
That really was the gist of what TJ was saying.
She wondered if this pattern of ‘having to make things happen’ showed up anywhere in my life?
I laughed at that and said; “Oh yeah, like ALL the time!’
Positives and Negatives of my ‘Pattern’
After that lightbulb moment TJ asked me to think about specific situations where this pattern had cropped up.
‘Well it comes up in terms of my son Oliver’s development’. I told her. (He has special needs and I have a tendency to feel I am not ‘doing enough’ for him.
I went on.
‘And for sure it was coming up in my business too because it is new, there are a lot of challenges and unknowns and I feel like I ‘have to’ make the business a success’.
Aside-
Now to be fair this drive to ‘make things happen’ is not all bad either as it propels me forward, allows me to ‘get sh#t done’, to accomplish things, and not get stagnant.
The down side though is that at times instead of sitting back, relaxing and allowing things to happen I let fear and anxiety get the best of me (and I have thoughts like; ‘Oliver will have trouble living independently’, or ‘I won’t make enough money with my business’ ….) and so I ‘force’ the situation, which in turns depletes my energy and sometimes adversely affects outcomes.
To be able to lead me to this personal insight so quickly (in less than 15 minutes) based on one statement I made about the horse is a testament to the power of equus coaching and TJ’s skill as a coach, and reinforces the fact that what happens in the round pen is truly a microcosm of what plays out in all areas of someones’ life.
We chatted about how I can ‘make something happen’ or ‘choose NOT to make something happen’, and how the responsibility of getting things done doesn’t always have to fall on my shoulders, that sometimes just ‘being’ is ok.
Standing with Gypsy in the round pen, TJ then had me think about how I could move forward with this new information and apply it to my ‘everyday life’ and she suggested I give a bit more thought into why I was driven to constantly ‘take action’.
*Hint – it was to do with the usual culprits -fear and anxiety.
Through the rear view mirror…
Once you start delving a bit deeper into your fear and anxiety based patterns you generally will discover a limiting belief at the heart of it, something along the lines of ‘I’m not enough’.
With this experience now a year old I can better understand the ‘why’ behind my actions, the reason behind needing to ‘make something happen’.
With my son Oliver it is fear of the future, and being anxious about a time when I am not around to care for him. With my business it was good ole’ black and white thinking like;
‘I need to ensure that this business is successful because if it isn’t I will look like a loser and then everyone will discover that I am not enough’.
Sound familiar?
If the business fails it means I am bad. If it is successful it means I’m good. (Whatever the heck that means! lol)
We all have those tapes playing in our minds at some point.
‘I am not skinny enough’.
‘I am not successful enough’.
‘I am not smart enough’.
Or…
‘I’m too old’.
‘I’m too weak’.
‘I’m too much of an introvert / extrovert’.
It is nothing short of REMARKABLE when we are able to gain insight into our behaviour and find the negative thought at it’s root and then change our way of thinking. The possibilities then become endless!
My time with Gypsy has given me the wisdom I need so that I can more quickly catch myself when I get caught up in this anxiety, fear based energy. Then through various coaching techniques (some of which I am sharing with my PPMIH gals and some of which we we will cover at this years retreat) I am better able to shift these thoughts from the negative to positive and RELAX.
Each retreater who joined us at last years retreat went into the round pen with a horse and had a unique, insightful experience, and what they discovered about themselves was then used to create a plan for positively moving forward in their lives.
Like I said… REMARKABLE!
*Ok lovely, this is the end of my current comments and I will take you back to to last years post where I was describing the other cool stuff we got up to at Apache Springs:
OTHER FUN RETREAT STUFF!
Along with the magical equus coaching there was the morning ‘sit spot’ where everyone spent 20 minutes sitting outside in silence as a way of gently starting the day, there was a nature walk with Juan (a full Apache Indian who works on the ranch), and a basket weaving lesson from Juan’s lovely wife Melinda.
Melinda showed us this collection of local baskets (We did not weave these!)
There were rest times and massage time, and yoga and one evening we were entertained by a father and son ‘cowboy poet’ team, and through them and Juan, we discovered a bit about the local history and the evening was capped off with star gazing from the hot tub.
All in the retreat was restful, reenergizing, insightful and fun!
… and for me it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life as I SO enjoyed working with TJ and sharing the experience with the amazing women who joined us and I loved soaking up the atmosphere of the Apache Springs ranch.
There really is something life changing that happens when you are part of a like minded and supportive ‘tribe’, have time for reflection and solitude, get to connect with the magnificent animal that is the horse, all while being surrounded by the beauty of nature (and being treated like a rock star I might add!).
After my retreat ‘high’ I think you can see why I needed a few days to get back into the swing of real life and for the record I think I was dealing with the post retreat blues too!
Anyhow it is all good now, I am left with new friendships, wonderful memories and a newly found admiration for horses and the state of Arizona!
*End of previous newsletter
Apache Springs resident
See ya’!
Hope you enjoyed my ‘expanded’ recap of last years’ retreat and I hope that summer is treating you well my friend!
If you are interested in finding out more about our upcoming ‘Wild at Heart’ retreat CLICK HERE for the details and keep in mind that early bird pricing ends August 15th.
See ya’ (virtually!) in August!
xo
Eliz
The gang from last years retreat.